a life of constant surrender

over the past 4 months, between waking and sleeping, ive accomplished 2 full modules, 3 sub modules, attended 2 camps, tried my hands at facilitating, ran a 10k that i din train for, submitted 2 essays, attended a class gathering, bought a dslr, signed up for another 21k in dec 09...wao, sounds like an accomplished and fruitful 4 months yea? hmm... 

of late, my heart has been feeling kinda restless, like i've taken on more than i can accomplish, that i should stop being superman (or wonderwoman!) for once and take a few steps back...

when on frinite, i tot i got things covered (complacency set in right about here!), gonna just mug all the way till evening and go for my paper at 7pm, then i realised that the paper was at 2pm instead of 7pm, and i missed a paper, two tight slaps in the face (was a noon paper as opposed to all the night papers ive been taking)..alright, but praise God that such a thing called the sub-paper, i could have slapped myself really. 

and then i realised the innumerable times that ive tried to take things into my own hands but failed, the times ive prayed 'may this day be yours', when its actually 'its my time to take things into my own hands now', that i am in control, that i got all plans mapped out, that im on top of things...but nothing could be further from the truth, really. 

if last year, if my lack of faith was a stumbling block in my journey, tis past couple of months, too much of faith in myself has led me to think i can do it all by myself at times, which is crazy, when you get caught into the thick of things, you dont realise that you've been operating out of an area of your own strength rather than rely on His strength. i am ashamed, to say the least. 

and then a part of fr luke's homily really got me thinking, it was a story dats been told many times over, john 6:41-51, that Jesus is the bread of life, bread that come down from heaven, that a man may eat of it and not die, if anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever, and the bread which i give for the life of the world is my flesh. 
how clever of God to give prophet elijah just enough for a days portion to enable him to cont his journey...and that same bread of life welcomes not only i, but each one of us to rely on his portion, his providence for the day for our journey ahead. 

an evergreen reminder that this bread of life grants us renewed strength and vigour each time we partake of the eucharistic celebration. 

father, you are the bread of life come down heaven, my prayer today is that you provide just enough bread for the day that we are going through, that we learn to look to you, our provider for the strength to go through that day, father i am weak really but it times like this when i am weak, that you are going to show yourself strong, father i commit the rest of 09 to you, my plans, my studies, my family, my goals, dreams, aspirations, may it be a life of constant surrender to your will and purpose, bread of life, hear me as i pray. amen